My2ROOTS

A) Grocery cart handles might possibly be the most unsanitary place in the world. I watched a guy pick his nose, sneeze, cough, grab an apple and then his cart handle and head off towards aisle nine where they were apparently selling infectious diseases.

B) Lawn care is the biggest scam going. The companies out there sell us fertilizer to make our lawns green and plush and continually growing. Then we bike gas for our lawnmowers to mow them and we repeat this cycle the entire growing season just so we can look at it. I am standing up against this Mafioso called grass. I’m going to let nature run its course and then of course fight the city when they come to mow it for me, I will instead burn it all down.

C) The staple vs the paper clip. I’ve always loved staples, they’re tidy holding things together until I have to make a copy of something or shred something then I loathe the paper clip and it’s imperfections in coming free of its vampirious bite (I just made up that word). However the paper clip which is useful for organizing lacks any sort of permanence it’s like that non-committal friend who meets someone great but refuses to stay attached incase a different bundle comes along. But at the same time you can blind someone with a rubber band and a paper clip. I prefer rock.

D) I’m lactose intolerant – that is I have no tolerance for lactose; I’m what you call racist against milk and milk by-products. I enjoy them and can eat them I just dislike them tremendously because their pompous and self righteous and they think that they also own orange juice because that too is in the milk area at the super market which doesn’t make sense to me.

E) The death penalty – does not make sense to me, I mean it’s death. Not so much a penalty but sort of permanence a penalty is a time out in the penalty box. Death is a consequence of an action witnessed by three or more people resulting in your own death. So it really should be called Death Consequence.