My2ROOTS

I had some extra time to kill standing/sitting in the Detroit airport with a massive delay due to someone forgetting to schedule a crew to fly the plane. That’s a separate blog which I’ll get to in a bit.

I noticed there there are types of people that everyone falls into at the airport. We’ll start with my favorite the newbie.

The newbie is characterized by a general dismay at rules & regulations? The 1 gallon jug of sun screen for a 3 day vacation is a dead giveaway. Let alone the arguing with the security rent-a-cop who is trying to explain that since 9/11 this has been the rule. Afterwards you’ll notice that they have the most incredible arm load of crap. A fanny pack is usually a dead give away or three coats and two carry-on’s, aso anyone who has a passport hanging from their neck or seems slight inappropriately dressed (i.e. capri pants on a 70 year old woman, black socks and tennis shoes with shorts on any man)

The freshmen, I categorize all high school and college travelers under this category. You’ll notice the girls wearing sweat pants and usually carrying a pillow, stuffed animal, wearing flip flops (in January) and talking on a cell phone decorated in early bedazzled shit. The guys will be wearing anything straight out of an abercrombie and fitch catalog, that has cargo pockets, a hat crooked or worn too low or just stupid looking, flip flops and a lack of any sort of fashion other then what you tell them is fashion. Carry on’s are typically one back pack with 30 electrical devices, fashion or sports magazines and no less then 3 sugary snacks…no money is available with this traveler. Also you’ll regularly notice they’re laying in – and around the chairs that you could be sitting.

The occasional traveler can be identified by any of the following traits. A sense that they know about the traveling sense of urgency but they’re slightly confused about which direction to go. They’re usually a little overburdened by carry-on’s because they remember that one time they got stuck in a Atlanta overnight and they were bored, thirsty, broke and dirty. They’ll probably have a change of underwear, tooth brush and snacks galore. You’ll notice they’re slightly relaxed in their approach to be somewhere but very concerned that they’re in the right place. Usually a monitor check will occur at least 3 times with in an hour and they’ll actually listen to the gate attendants announcements.

New-baby travelers. Oh this is the disaster you want to watch out for…especially in the security line, if you get stuck behind mommy, daddy and new baby you’ll be there for the better part of an hour. You’ll be able to see them by the massive wheelbarrow full of baby stuff. The no-sleep look on Mommies face, and a Dad being slightly irritable and curt with the wife about some mundane detail – yet you’ll find the guy overly polite to everyone else, I believe he’s the only one of the family that know they’re holding up the whole airport. The wife will have this tone of resentment because she has a baby and its her right to fly as well as everyone else – regardless if her little precious is screaming at the top of her lungs. Note that all baby powder, formula, baby toys and strollers will require a thorough search by Mr or Mrs. Rent-a-cop as it’s probably a terrorist baby. The good thing is this family is usually 3 hours early for a 40 minute flight.

The professional traveler. This is the vacationer or business person that travels so often that they actually know the people that work at Starbucks, the gate and the flight crew. They’re the epitome of efficient. You can ask this person for ID, boarding pass, 20 dollars, and a snack all at once and they’ll produce it in 12 seconds flat. They’re is a place for everything, the back pack, satchel, brief case or roller case is all they need for a 4 week trip to 7 countries. Somehow they manage to get all they’re belongings in one carry-on and they almost never check luggage (who can be tied down to that mess). Look around first class, if you see someone who’s not rich (i.e. sporting bling or an unjustified since of confidence) – this is the Pro-Traveler. They’re usually elite, upgrade, premium, world class or some other major frequent flier mile flier and they have very little patience of the aforementioned 2 types of people.

The Riches also known as the Entitler’s. This is usually and man and woman couple who you can tell have money and they seem to have a sense of entitlement even though they’re flying commercial with the rest of us, they think they’re flying a private jet. You can tell because they usually snicker or whisper about other people and pass judgment (unlike what I’m doing which is observing). They’re is usually unnecessary jewelry or something gaudy involved in their personal decoration.

The day hopper. My favorite traveler. They’re either only going to be gone for the day or at maximum 1 day. They usually just carry a magazine or book and a coat. They’re on and off and out of the airport with a ghost like speed. You’ll notice these people leisurely strolling through book stores, hanging out at internet hot spots and usually don’t want to talk or be seen they just want to fly and get on with it.

For your reference since I’m stereotyping flyers I fall under the professional flier. I fly about 10 to 15 times a year and I carry one back pack with everything I need. I get upgraded when I can, I try not to talk with anyone, touch anything public or eat anywhere in the airport. I’m usually 1:30 early for my flight and I know the best parking spaces, lines, and security procedures.

Oh and there is one other mix of person…the hottie. This is just someone who I was watching who walked across the airport and distracted me from everyone else. She’s dressed like she’s on a date and you can’t not look at her. She’s the reason I missed the rest of the stereotypes…

Not Mwar, Not Gizznat